The house is barren and it’s wonderful. I feel I can breathe again.
Isn’t it amazing how we incessantly collect things; always wanting more? We tend to wrap memories and feelings around inanimate objects. In the end, our stuff has the upper-hand. It maintains emotional power over us. “I can’t get rid of that: it was my aunt’s…it was expensive…it matches the couch…”
The boys get the big stuff loaded
As the moving team (a group of really loyal friends) carts and carries and lifts and packs, I wish that we had a dumpster outside where I could throw out the lot. I am a true believer: we shouldn’t let our stuff own us.
Of course, saying that, I still have a hard time giving a good portion of it up. These quiet power-wielders will not have the last laugh… oh, er…wait – I should probably keep that candle-holder… uh, yeah… a friend gave it to me.
So I guess it feels like this next chapter of my life is finally starting.
Using a word like “finally” conveys a sense of impatience, and although I only made these life-changing decisions in the last few weeks, it feels like I’ve been waiting eons to see them come to fruition. I guess I am a little impatient. I am nearing the end of packing up. I have some cleaning to do and some errands. My heart is in my backpack already and I will fill the rest of it with a few essentials (no candlesticks mmhhh?..). I will head to Vancouver for some visiting and some live music for a fantastic cause: http://www.savethebrainsvancouver.com/.
I will get on the plane and I will be free.
I know I am looking for something. What? I’m not sure… but I have a feeling it will always be waiting around the next corner. Will travel help me get around the bend to have a peek at what lays beyond? I think it will. Or at least it can’t hurt. I’m not going to get all the answers I want, but I will have a really good time searching for them.
I am very aware of the perception of running away.
I don’t think I am, and if I am, I don’t care. The thing is: I faced life head-on when I needed to. The last 16 months have been the toughest, most painful, most tender, most hope-inspiring, test of human-ability that I have ever witnessed; that I will probably ever witness. Not only was I seeing it up close, I was living right smack-dab in the middle of it. I was partaking in it, moving it forward, keeping it together.
I need a rest. And by rest, I mean journey.
Theme songs for the day:
Masterfade – Andrew Byrd from the album The Mysterious Production of E
Gravity Rides Everything – Modest Mouse from the album The Moon and Antarctica